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In the spirit of the current media hooooooplaaahh surrounding TLC’s third biggest moneymaker (after “Waterfalls” and “No Scrubs”), we have compiled a winding list of thoughts inspired by Jon & Kate Plus 8. In the style of reality television, these thoughts are barely edited, so enjoy some RAW POWER not produced by David Bowie.
Spin-off Show Titles:
- Jon & Kate Plus Hate
- Jon & Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon
- Jon Plus 4
- Kate Plus 4
- read more…
Check out the new issue… HERE (or click the cover on the right)
Christmas time is just around the bend. We don’t care if you’ve been naughty or nice, but here is a great gift idea for yourself or a friend.
Purchase the next four issues of the Jester here. By subscribing, you will receive the 2009-2010 Jester issue series. It’s $20, which includes shipping & handling.
EDIT: This link has expired. See more recent post for NEW Subscription Link.
Our new SOLUTIONS themed issue is online. Click its cover on the right!
Also, check out our In Motion section for some new videos by Jesters past and present, including a fantastic interview with former Jester Editor-In-Chief and current Onion News Network staff writer Sam West.
The Jester’s Chief Livestock Correspondent and newly appointed money man, Michael Abraham pulled this photo out of his portfolio to share with the Jester audience. We’ve compiled a quick list of possible captions. Please post more in the comments section!
Big Balled Sheep
Captions:
- “Suck on Deez, Lance Armstrong.”
- “Footprint clearing device”
- “Shear Testosterone”
- “My Sacajawea ’bout ten pounds”
- “So this is what Shari Lewis Removed in her puppet-making”
- “Don’t look away from me! What? Are you sheepish?”
- “Baa Baa Black Sheep, have you any wool? Yeah, bitch, a fucking SACK full.”
- “Wanna know why they call me a ram?”
- “EWE!”
Recently, we, the Jester, received the honor of being honored in the center-spread of the honorable Barnard Bulletin. Usually reserved for nude hunks, the center-spread displays what is currently on Barnard girls’ minds, while the rest of the publication tells them what to think about. The article can be read here.
In response, we would like to devote a portion of our precious yet unlimited web space to return the favor. This article was carefully researched. We, the Jester, had to re-Google search how to spell “Bulletin” because my computer crashed. Behold, the Barnard Bulletin:
The Barnard Bulletin was born on December 12, 1875, when Thelma T. Yool shot Bernard Hoppher, the Editor-in-Chief of the Bernard Paper very near the spleen. Instantly, she founded the magazine as the Bernard Bullet-In. (The name has evolved over the years in a manner similar to how Charles Darwin morphed into that pterodactyl.)
Originally, the magazine was used for feminist issues: meeting times, bra-burning instructions, and cupcake recipes. It branched into the issues of tribalism vs. tribadism, songs vs. tongs, and ovaries vs. over-easy.
When women were liberated in the 1990s after Susan B. Anthony’s encounter with Rodney King, the Barnard Bulletin constructed a memorial to Scheherazade out of the leftover shackles. The cost, partially emotional, yet mostly financial, prevented further ventures into alternative printing. Instead, the Bulletin trudged forward, fighting the Cold War with Ugg Boots and protesting street performers, especially those damned mimes.
Today, the Barnard Bulletin says, “Fuck you” to anyone who opens it (using singing-birthday-card technology). It plans to release a weekend magazine known as the Barnard Brassiere - a support magazine for its readers in early 2010.
We sat down with a current editor of the Bulletin, Alana Goldchest, hoping that she could answer some of our many questions. She then sat on our lap, letting her silky locks drape over our nose. We then feigned calm through our nervous jitters. She then stroked our hair, and said, “Hello, funny boy.” We quickly terminated the interview and relocated Jester headquarters to a bathtub full of ice.
Videos from Up Late that have never before graced the tubes of the internet are now available in the “In Motion” section. This new old content includes: The Dewey Decimal System Ad, The Train Ad, and Jope’s Scopes: the Telescope Ad.
Wasting no paper, the Jester is proud to announce that the “Green Issue” is available digitally on this very website. Click its cover or right here to immerse yourself in its glorious content. Full immersion may warrant a poncho.
We have also added a page entitled “In Motion” that contains video content.
We are accepting applications for the Jester’s executive board until December 5th. Contact jester@columbia.edu for information and the application.
Stacey J. Miller is one of our most frequent contributors: although she has not yet been published in the magazine, she sends us story ideas on a weekly basis.
We’ll be publishing a series of letters that we’ve written to Stacey
from: [redacted]@columbia.edu
to: Stacey J. Miller
cc: jester@columbia.edu
subj: Re: Story Idea: The Gift of Quilting
Speaking on behalf of Jester of Columbia:
Stacey: we would be glad to publish your article, but it is in need of serious editing. As you know, we are Columbia’s oldest humor magazine, and while the subject of your article is sufficiently old it is not at this time sufficiently humorous. “Slaves worked long, backbreaking hours there without pay” is a very serious note to start an article and cannot easily be made light of without offending many of our readers. Perhaps something could be done with the idea of the coffee tree. If you are not very good at humor writing, do not fear: simply make a joke involving sex or genitalia, and somebody will laugh at it.
We appreciate your continued submissions and hope that you will take this opportunity to develop your humor skills and become a regular contributor.
(original e-mail after the jump)
