At the release of the new iPhone, assholes, faggots and douchebags alike united in song as they all got on their knees and waited in enormous lines to take turns sucking Steve Job’s cock. However, upon realizing that there’s a .00001cm^2 area on the phone where, should you touch it, the gates of hell would open up and Richard Nixon would appear as a baby taking milk from the breast of Chris Farley’s armpit, all of the Apple fanboys suddenly realized that the iPhone was no longer a beacon of light, but the embodiment of Lucifer himself. People soon noticed more and more issues with the iPhone until they realized that the new iPhone and all of the iPhones before it were nothing but pure logs of shit.

Presenting:

Issues with the new iPhone that Apple has overlooked:

1. Autocorrects words that I have made up to more ridiculous substitutes

2. Does not let me listen to the three radio stations that still exist

3. Is too “New Fangled”

4. Does not have a deep sea flashlight function

5. Will not talk to me no matter how lonely I tell it I am

6. Does not get reception in coal mines

7. Does not enhance that size of my penis, even a little bit

8. Does not have any Klingon in its list of symbols

9. Does not have a magnet for attracting “chicks”

10. Does not let me play WoW in real time

11. Will not make me smell better

12. Is completely devoid of laser beams of any kind

13. Is black (issue has since been resolved)

14. Will not dump my girlfriend for me, even if I ask it nicely

15. Will not fend off attackers

16. Is by no means “extendable”

17. Does not have a “get me off my fat ass” app

18. Too many fun iPhone things and not enough boring phone things

19. Cannot transform into interesting shapes

20. Is square

21. Cannot be used by my dog

22. The screen gets too touchy

23. The “i” is lowercase

24. Does not come with any sort of ninja star or ninja apparel of any kind

25. Is not a cat

heh...heh...

Then when you’re done looking at that, click this link that really speaks for itself

Instructions:

1. Print out on 8.5″ x 11″ paper.
2. Place next to blue book during exam.
3. Presto!

• Hydrogen is element # 1. The other elements are fire, water, and wood.
• Earth is the most populous planet in the solar system.
• Brains are big things made up of tiny organisms called neurons and axons or whatever.
• Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived - the six kinds of quarks.
• Don’t panic; you’re doing fine.
• French alphabet: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.
• Spanish alphabet:abcchdefghijklllmnopqrstuvwxyzñ.
• Arabic alphabet: beats me!
• Just breathe.
• f=am.
• e=mc2.
• It’s spelled K-O-R-A-N, not A-L-Q’-R-U-A-N or whatever.
• One final can’t ruin your future.
• 2a Sin θ = nλ. To be honest I don’t know what that means.
• 1 byte = 10 bits.
• You know Odysseus from the Odyssey? and Ulysses from the Aeneid? Same dude!
• Really, your GPA will hardly be affected, even if you fail this.
• The capital of Malta is Birkirkara. Nah, just playing, it’s Valletta.
• The eight colors are white, yellow, red, green, orange, blue, brown, pink and teal.
• The biggest animal is three blue whales that an evil whale scientist connected into a centipede.
• What’s your GPA anyway? Oh shit!
• DNA codes for RNA.
• You’re fucked.

• Commitment: The New Rape Whistle!
• Every Sperm Could Be Tim Tebow
• Regis Breaks Bad News
• BroBot: Your Robot Wingman
• Nelson Mandela’s Anti-Apartide Detergent

I don’t know about you bros but mine has been so. Fucking. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I’m sorry dude. No, but really. Man, the stuff I’ve… Haha! Last night there was this… Aw forget it, man. You just had to be there. I’m still laughing about it. I don’t even remember what happened.

Here’s a little checklist I threw together to find out if your break’s been half as kickass as mine. Press control+p to print it out (Haha, you’re breaking near a printer, bitch!)!

• Go out.
• Have a beer.
• Get shitfaced.
• Hook up with chicks.
• Do shots.

• Keep trying to hook up with someone.
• Pee on the street.
• Black out. Assume the night was crazy!
• Go home.
• Eat dinner with the parents.
• Mumble in response to questions.
• Read two pages of your assigned reading.
• Watch TV for the first time since Winter break.
• Text old friends, wait for reply.
• Realize they’re not on break anymore/yet.
• Go to sleep before midnight.
• Wake up at noon anyway.
• Cruise past your old high school wearing sunglasses and blasting music.
• Cruise past it again because maybe they didn’t notice you.
• Get a haircut from the only place you’ve ever had one.
• Eat a lot, just because.
• Flip through old comics.
• Go back to school.
• Shit, I forgot to read Don Quixote.

what are some things you have to do when you are president of the us?

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Pleaes help french hw what does “devoir” mean in english

what is the link for googel i cant rememeber and i need to use it HELP!!!!!

Just kidding I made these up. but…um if anyone has answers comment plz. thanks