SUMMER LIST: Jon & Kate
- Count ‘em
In the spirit of the current media hooooooplaaahh surrounding TLC’s third biggest moneymaker (after “Waterfalls” and “No Scrubs”), we have compiled a winding list of thoughts inspired by Jon & Kate Plus 8. In the style of reality television, these thoughts are barely edited, so enjoy some RAW POWER not produced by David Bowie.
Spin-off Show Titles:
- Jon & Kate Plus Hate
- Jon & Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon
- Jon Plus 4
- Kate Plus 4
- Jon & Kate + 8 hundred thousand mechanical wasps
- Jonah and the Whale
- Jon & Kate + 0 Because They Sold Their 8 Children Into Slavery
- Jon + 45 pounds & Kate
- WWE Presents: J/K VIII: Reckoning
- Jon & Kent + 8th Ave
- Jon & Kate plus 2(pi) due to an irrational and transcendental birth defect
- Jon & Kate and a bunch of little fuckers running around
- Jon & Kate + 8: We Aborted the 9th Baby to Preserve the Rhyme
- Jon & Kate + Eight Children Still Breastfeeding at 6 Years Old
- Jon & Kate Divided by Zero: The Family is Crushed into Singularity by a Black Hole
- Jon & The Nonuple-Murder/Suicide
- Jon & Kate Spend the Entire Summer Engrossed in *Gravity’s Rainbow* as their Children Slowly Starve to Death
- Jon & Kate + Nate the Great
- Jon & Kate Plus FATE.
- Jon & Kate Plus State Intervention
- Jon & Kate Plus GREAT DEALS ON ROL3X, SW4TCH, C4RT1ER
- Jon & Kate Plus Seven (We Counted Wrong the Whole Time)
- Season Finale: Watch Jon & Kate Procreate
- Kate & Kate - the les version
- Jon & Kate Mate (this is the porn spinoff)
- The Saddest Carbon Monoxide Poisoning Ever
- Jon & Kate + An acute sense of dissatisfaction with the way life has turned out
- Jon & Kate + $800 grocery bills
- Jon & Kate + Vasectomy
- Jon & Kate + 8: A Very Special Castration Episode
- Jon & Kate + Overpopulation
- Jon & Kate + The Crazy 88
- The Assassination of Jon Gosselin by the Coward Kate Krieder
- Jon & Kate + $80 Million Worth of Child
- Jon & Kate + 8 Inches of Cervical Dilation
- Jon & Kate + 8 + Some Dude Named Joe
- Jon & Kate + 8 Bodies Floating in the Pool
- Jon & Kate + 8 Hours of Straight FuckingJon & Kate + Eig–Jon, stop, we’ll find a way to split the mone–Sev–JON STOP IT–Fi–please Jon, ple–three–one–oh…oh my god…JON N–
…
Jon - Jon & Kate + 8 of Sophie’s Choices
- PEMDAS w/ Jon & Kate
- Jon & Kate + jail bait
- Jon & Kate + Bait (it’s a fishing show)
- Jon & Katherine - hrine (this is how the name Kate is formed)
- Jon & Kate + Wait (The Whisper Song)
- Jon & Katie Plus another LADY
- Jon & Kate + 8 More Kates
- Jon & Kate + 8i
- Jon & Katya + The Green Card
- Juan & Kate + The ICE
- Sean & Kate + 28 (They’re Irish)
- Flan & Cake I Ate
- Jon & Kate + Peter The Great
- James & Carmen + 9 (This didn’t rhyme)
- Johnny Cage & Kate Beckinsdale + 8 Extremely Hot Theoretical Pornos
- Jon & Kate Separate
Miscellany:
Greetings to whom it may consider,
My Name is John Kate, I am recently fled from ARFRICAN NATION of Julungia. I have wished long to offer you PLUS EIGHT, however I am torn with sadness that I cannot bring the EIGHT to your AMERICA, but unless you, dear friend, are able to send your name and 28% of your daughter, I am helped.
GOD bless you,
Kate John.
—
God Bless The United (but not so United that the Christ-Loving State of Idaho can’t secede if they elect an amazon or a Unitarian President) States of America
Robert K Dowd.
—
A Poem Caused By Too Much Rhyming
I will not watch this Jon and Kate
I cannot see them in this state
Not Jon, not Kate, not even Eight
Not even if you say they’re great
No, not unless you give some bait
Like if you put out on this date.
What caused all this sudden hate?
I guess I’ll go and masturbate
Stay tuned for more Summer Lists!
