The Jester

Hey guys! Jester’s my name and jesting is my game.

Nope, not joking, jesting. I know it’s confusing. If you want jokes, go to a joker.

I’m actually not a joker, myself. That’s different.

I do get that a lot. No, we’re not friends. He’s in another trade. We have different unions.

Come on now, groaning that loudly is never polite.

I am a jester. Yes, that’s a thing.

I jest. Don’t worry! You’ll see how much fun it can be.

I’m afraid I can’t do that for you. You see, telling jokes is what a joker does. I’m a jester. A jester jests.

What does that mean? Let’s go ahead and look it up together. Here. The Oxford English Dictionary: “intr. To say something amusing or facetious; to make witty or humorous remarks; to joke.” Damn it! Trust me, there’s a distinction.

Why don’t I jest for you. We’ll enjoy this.

Give me one sec.

No, I can’t just tell you a joke. It’s not my specialty.

I certainly can’t do that either.

Sorry, I just won’t. That’s his line. Why don’t you get him next time?

Will you let me do my thing? I promise you’ll like it.

No. Seriously. I don’t say that.

Sigh.

Fine.

Why…Why so serious.

Happy New Day, Columbians!

It seems very few things get celebrated just when the clock strikes midnight (besides New Years). Here are some other exciting things that could happen at midnight that may explain why!

1. It could now be the day one of your relatives died

2. Cablevision could stop airing the Food Network

3. You could look up and realize that it is tomorrow and you are blogging instead of doing homework

4.  You could realize you have lost another day of your useless existence

5. You could get raped

So let’s rejoice and thank God we only have to celebrate midnight once a year!

The Plus/Minus (+/-) issue is now online.  Print issues will be available shortly.

Here’s the continuation of the List of Porn Novels:

Classics

• Black Beauty (same)
• The Cunt of Montie Christo
• Frank In Stein
• Heada Gobbler
• The Collected Works of Honore de Ballsack
• Lord of the Thighs
• A Midsummer Night’s Cream
• The Muff of Sisyphus
• (P)ride & Pussyjuice
• The Repubelick
• Rumpelforeskin
• 69,000 Legs Under the Semen read more…

Our next theme will be ROPE.  Contact jester about submitting…

The Jester is featured along with other Columbia University comedy groups (The Fed, Fruit Paunch, Chowdah, and Alfred) in The Eye.  Read the article here.

Ad Reinhardt’s May 1932 Jester cover.

Check out a recent article in Columbia Magazine, showing early Jester covers.

They’re soooo beautiful.

New Theme: +/-

Think of ideas!

Recently, the Columbia Spectator, Columbia University’s Newspaper, held auditions to become an Opinion Columnist.  Naturally, the Jester wanted to express some of its many opinions.  Documentation of this audition can be found below: the application itself as well as the questionably-expected rejection letter.

The Spec

1. Name

[Jester of Columbia]

2. Where did you hear about the columnist application?

The internet.

3. What do you want your beat, or area of focus, to be? What makes you qualified to cover it, and why is it important for the Spec to cover it? In other words, why should readers be interested in what you’re saying, and why should you be the one to say it?

I’d like to write a two word column.  I would like to declare that something is unsatisfactory in the form: “_____ sucks.”  As Editor-in-Chief of the Jester of Columbia, I feel quite qualified to discern the difference between what rules and what sucks.  Please note that this column will not be expanded to denoting something as ruling and another as sucking.  I chose only to focus on a half-empty glass.  Students will be interested in my column because the name of the column will be significantly longer than its content.  In this modern Internet Age, in which attention spans thin into an infinitesimal sliver, I believe that the amount of time one can successfully hold an audience’s attention is two to four words - five words, maybe if one of them is “vagina.”  This column guarantees to be controversial.  No one agrees upon suction.

read more…

We at the Jester find it amusing that there’s a fourth installment to the Fast and the Furious series coming out called Fast & Furious, which is basically a recycled version of the first title.

This means the series will be comprised of The Fast and the Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, and Fast & Furious.

And so, we came up with some more possible titles.  Enjoy.

• Thrice Fast and Three Times as Furious
• The Faster and the More Furious
• The Fastest and the Most Furiousest
• The Fast and the Furious: Now With 25% More Fury
• Ever Faster But Not Quite as Furious
• The Fast and the Furious: School Dayz
• The Fast and the Spurious
• The Fast and the Fantastic Four
• Untitled Vin Diesel Project (2010)
• 2 Legit 2 Quit read more…